Hi sexy and welcome back to the Sexyfit Podcast!
I’ve spent the last 10 years being utterly ashamed of my story and what shaped me to be the woman I am today and what shaped Sexyfit as a Method and a Community.
Quite frankly, I feel like a total fraud just thinking about it.
The fact that I was a fraud didn’t really occur to me until Natalie Jill and I were standing in the kitchen and she said: “You have to tell your story Zlata. I don’t care that you competed and nobody really does. You have to share what you’ve just told me, that’s the story…”
Here I am, telling women to embrace their stories and become their best selves… and did I really fully do that?
Some parts, yes, absolutely.
But I never told you some parts of the story that were so dark, and soooo lonely and soooo shameful that it made me want to throw up just thinking about them. I had to dig really deep as I stuffed a lot of them away in a deep dark filing cabinet in the back of my brain.
I remember sitting in the kitchen staring at Nat thinking “NOT DOING IT, who CARES! IT’S FINNNNNEEEEEE…..”
But the truth was that I was absolutely terrified of what I might have to share… and what you would think of me and what if I were not “perfect” in front of y’all.
But I don’t want pity and anyone to feel sorry for me.
I also forgot that I have to lead by example and if women in coaching can tell me stories about experiencing sexual abuse, giving up their children for adoption with no other option, devastating marriage issues and miscarriages, I can tell a story about being called fat and weird… right?
I thought so…
So here I am, facing a blank piece of paper to tell you my story in my upcoming Sexyfit Method book…
…. and I have to share how I didn’t have a bed growing up and slept on a flower patterned cot for most of the time I could remember… all while sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with 9 other family members (and a disgustingly smelling cat).
The times when “Happy Meal” at McDonalds was really THE happy meal and it was treated as a 5 star restaurant because it meant escaping the reality of not having food in the fridge at times… And how I battled the most awful junk food addiction later in life because of it.
Or the story of moving to America at the age of 16 with only knowing two English words “Hello” and “Big Mac”, and taking AP classes because I refused to be weird in ESL classes with peers. Eating lunch in the bathroom for weeks because I was terrified of the jungle outside of those doors full of weird looks, finger pointing and judgments for being different.
Being told to change because of a “disgusting gut” in gym class after I gained a massive amount of weight while dealing with sleepless nights of missing my underprivileged past and my cozy flower cot. Junk food was my escape and I didn’t know what to do instead.
Or maybe a meaningless at the time “revenge body” style heartbreak, that molded into a successful fitness career just to get validation from a man that I was indeed “good enough” for us to have a love story.
And the final story that you all know of adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism that left me helpless on an uphill battle to restore my health and find myself.
This one you know and if you don’t know, listen to the podcast episode about it HERE.
I always looked for a convenient story to tell so I don’t have to tell you the whole story… I didn’t even want to post this either, but I felt as I needed to because there was so much that went into creating the method and the community like Sexyfit.
There was so much behind the scenes, beyond the trophies and qualification that went into the reason for why we have been doing things the way we did at Sexyfit… and why I truly believe we have created the best solution for women to achieve a lasting lifestyle shift and experience the unstoppable confidence that every one of us is truly capable of.
I don’t know why I am telling you all of this, and it’s quite a long rant, and I am amazed you are still reading this… but there is more.
I found this quote and I felt an instant connection. It made me stop for a minute and I felt a deep desire to share it with you.
As women we try to keep a perfect facade and always act as we have our stuff together. We were told from the young age that crying is bad and showing our emotions is terrible too. We watched our mothers take care of everyone and everything and we learned to do the same while putting our needs on the back burner… We have forgotten to experience who we are and how to find the “I” to strand strong on both of our feet in the ever changing world of constant motion around us. We have forgotten about ourselves and what makes us unique and sexy in our own way.
Emotional eating, self-sabotage, endless dieting, over exercising or over “Netflix and wine-ing”, drinking, non-stop movie marathons, clearance shopping – all of those are side effects of not having a strong I and our way to “check out” at good enough.
So what is the solution?
Love. It’s always love.
The answer is falling in love with ourselves.
Deep, carrying, meaningful, forgiving, unconditional love with the wounded, cracked, tiger stripped, broken hearted, lonely, single, imperfect selves.
I’ve never met a woman who isn’t strong or beautiful or sexy.
We are so much more than what we see.
More than we ever imagined or believed was true.
I look at every woman in our small community and every week I am in awe of how they handle life.
It’s beyond sexy.
See, we have it all wrong.
Sexy isn’t a size or a title or a trophy. It isn’t achieved by external validation from a man or peers. Sexyfit isn’t the perfection or the convenient truth behind an inconvenient story. Sexy isn’t a number on a scale or a dress size. Sexy isn’t the media projected ass obsession that earns Instagram likes.
Every single one of us is sexy in our own way and every woman is a masterpiece because of her cracks and the battle wounds she’s endured in her lifetime.
I am not sure where to finish this because I still have so much to say. But for all my Sexyfit sisters and future sisters – you are enough, believe in yourself, embrace who you are and practice unconditional love for yourself every day.
…and more writing for me.
Sister, we are opening the Sexyback Mastermind one more time this year.
This is for you if you are looking for a lasting transformation and you are ready to dig in and get the solution that fits your lifestyle. It’s for you if you are ready to break free from self-sabotage and rock your body with confidence everywhere you go.
Fill out the application at www.sexyfit.com/mastermind.
LINKS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS PODCAST:
Sexyfit Podcast Ep #031: Adrenal Fatigue – How to Recover Naturally
7 Day Blueprint: A 7- day jumpstart to help you lose up to 7 pounds and learn anything you need to know about living Sexyfit. Fire up your metabolism, shed fat without starving, yo-yo dieting, and taking weird weight loss pills. Get it HERE, it’s FREE!
Sexyfit Private Community on Facebook. Surround yourself with people who believe in you! Become a part of Sexyfit Group today. Join in HERE!